RETIREE

Okay, I admit.  I'm a wimp.  Phil has taken care of people for 45 years in all kinds of places and conditions, but give me 10 days in a hospital and I crash.  Even if it is in the best hospital in Asia.  Even if I only wait in the waiting rooms and listen to Thai doctors explain medical procedures with medical words like "ohlahl" for "oral" and "ahlouwah" for "arousal."  No, nothing sexual here.  This all has to do with sleep problems.  Anyway, I've had it.  I want to go home right now.  But Phil needs some more procedures done, so we're staying here another ten days.  Oye.  Another ten days of hospital time.  Another ten days of breathing Bangkok's polluted air.  Another ten days of coughing and irritated eyes.   I'm a wimp alright.

"Why don't you and Phil retire in Chiang Mai or Phuket?" Eugene asks. "The medical care is excellent, so much more superior to Indonesia's. Chiang Mai is in the mountains like Ubud, so it's cooler, and they're totally set up to take care of retirees."

Ouch, I forget I'm of that age.  Visions of jolly Florida couples (mostly white with an occasional black couple thrown in) flash before my eyes.  With their teeth-whitened smiles sparkling with the zest of old age, the retirees ride their bikes along rolling golf courses or else toast each other with bubbly champagne while luxuriating in pools and Jacuzzis.  Who wouldn't want to live in style?  Doctors and  nurses at your beck and call.  No heart-stopping rides in ambulances through Bali's winding, traffic-clogged roads, wondering if instant death is not preferable.  I google Retire Chiang Mai and find the top 10 reasons for retiring there:

Extremely friendly people.

Fantastic food.

Cost of living is on average around 50% cheaper than living in the West.

Wonderful year-round climate.

Low crime rate.

Great medical services and facilities.

Convenient public transport and good road network.

Great sports, nature facilities and huge range of interest groups available for all to join.

Wide range of cultural pursuits and a number of annual festivals.

Excellent markets which include the famous Sunday market, local markets, night bazaar and food markets.

But then there it is: Chiang Mai is a city of 1.6 million people.  AIR POLLUTION IS HIGH.  Well then, forget it.  I'll be a retiree in Ubud where they can roll their R's and I can read the street signs.