FULL CIRCLE: My New Year's Resolution

When meeting local people you will often be asked "Where are you going?", "Where are you from?", "Where is your husband?", "Do you have children?", etc.  The questions originate in the need to know how to properly address a fellow Balinese but have been extended to meeting westerners, as well.  Just as in Hawaii, locals identify themselves by the high school they've attended, the Balinese identify themselves by the village of their birth.  Names identify their caste and birth order.  Knowing someone's caste helps determine which language (high or low) to use in addressing the other.  All foreigners are assumed to belong to the "Walking ATM" caste.

The young woman who cooks for us and keeps our books is named Ida Ayu Made Rosita (Dayu is short for Ida Ayu).  "Ida Ayu" (Ida Bagus for men) identifies her as belonging to the highest caste, the Brahmana or priest caste.  "Made" identifies her as second born.

The birth order names are:
1st born: Wayan, Gede or Putu.
2nd born: Made, Nengah or Kadek.
3rd born: Nyoman or Komang.
4th born: Ketut.
Then the whole cycle starts over with “Balik” (which means “again”) added to the name. So the fifth-born child is called Wayan Balik (or “Wayan again”).

Dayu is 7 months pregnant and, in preparation for her maternity leave, her older sister has joined our household.  Her name is Ida Ayu Putu Sriastini, also shortened to Dayu.  "Putu" denotes she is first born.  To distinguish one Dayu from the other they're called Dayude (short for Dayu Made) and Dayutu (short for Dayu Putu). 

When I ask Dayude how she got "Rosita" tacked on as her personal name, she says that when a baby is 42 days old a Name-Giving Ceremony is held.  The family writes 5 or 6 different personal names on separate palm leaves and sets the leaves on fire.  The name on the leaf that burns the last is the unique personal name given to the baby.  For Dayude it was the leaf with the name Rosita.  It's believed that names have a strong effect on a person's life.  So if the baby turns out sickly, the family will repeat the process with a set of other names and find a new name for the baby.  As people move through various life stages they can also change their names accordingly.  Wish it were that easy and cheap to change names in the west.

I've gone through five formal name changes myself. I know it's crazy.  The first time was when my father applied for a passport and had to change his last name to his mother's last name because his father never registered him as his legitimate son.  The second time was when I married.  The third time was when I divorced and did not want to keep my married name or go back to my very long and unpronounceable maiden name.  I learned that I could change my name for free if I became a US citizen.  The fee otherwise would be $75.  So now you know how much my US citizenship was worth to me.  The fourth occasion for changing my name came when I learned that the name I had been using was "unbalanced."  (And all that time I thought it was just me!)  If I changed the numerology of my name to one that would harmonize with the numerology of my birth date, my life would be transformed.  Not one to miss out on any kind of transformation, I applied and paid for another name change.  Some of you may still remember me as Alshaa T. Rayne.  Coincidentally, the name change came through exactly on my birthday and shortly after my career as an artist took off.  Not bad.  The fifth name change came about when I decided to honor our ancestors by installing a family altar.  But since I was married to Phil, it would have to be an altar for his family (I know, aren't we still in a patriarchy) and I would have to take on his last name.  By now I've become a veritable name chameleon, so what's another name change?  To still honor my mother, though, I decided to add her first name to mine and became Elsha Antoinette Bohnert.  I can tell you that every name change brought about countless other miracles and transformations.  But then again, that's the nature of life, too. So, what's the big deal?  And you're wondering: When is she coming to her New Year's resolution and is she preparing us for another name change? The answer is, No, no more new names for me, and Trust me, I will come to my New Year's resolution eventually.  All the above is to show how rooted the Balinese are in their culture and how totally rootless I've lived.  Bear with me.

I'm Dutch-Indonesian, raised with Dutch as my mother tongue and attending Dutch schools.  So even when I lived in Indonesia, I did not feel Indonesian and when I lived in The Netherlands, I did not feel I was Dutch.  In America, even with American citizenship, I do not feel American.  Hawaii came closest to giving me a sense of belonging.  I could pass for local except for the pidgin part.  Here in Bali, I may look Indonesian, but again, I'm definitely not Balinese, can't even pretend to be.  But what do you do when you're immersed up to your eyeballs in, and embraced by, everything Balinese?  When there is no such thing as keeping your distance, when there's no escape from this radical outrageous outlandish culture.  I may be forced to give up my "in-between, no-fit-anywhere, no-belong-anywhere" attitude because (damn, am I really going to say this?)... I belong here.  I belong here with the people that surround me and their crazy spirits and customs, their processions, prayers, offerings, and incense -- what happened to my allergy to incense?  Most of all, I belong in this community of neighbors and friends that has so completely embraced us as family, something I've never experienced as an adult.  Our neighbors Herman and Retno have four kids and all kinds of cousins, aunts and uncles living in their lively compound next door.  And in our villa we have our own community of friends and staff and guests living and working there.  There's always something going on and there's always somebody there.  This is brand new to me, and it's fun!  Living in our little Balinese bungalow Phil and I have our privacy, but the doors are always open, just as they are in the villa.  The Bali Institute for Global Renewal has their office upstairs in our former fresh-air dining room.  Their team members go in and out.  We have movie nights and jam sessions and salsa dancing in our lobby.  We have people dropping by to talk or chill out.  Did I mention fun?  Yeah, I've decided that this is where I belong :-)

During my first year of living in America I watched how difficult it was for immigrant families to adjust to another culture, my parents included.  They all had problems finding good jobs and were forever struggling with paying their bills.  Only one family was an exception.  I asked them what their secret was and they said: "It's all about communication. Learn to speak English fluently."  I went home that day and told my then husband that from that day on we would speak only English.  Now that I'm living in Bali I'm taking their advice again.  By the end of next year I will be able to read and speak Indonesian fluently.  Fortunately for Phil, English is widely spoken here, so he does not have to learn more Indonesian than he wants for fun.

SELAMAT TAHUN BARU!  BOLEHKAN KAMU MERESTUI MELEBIHI IMPIANMU.
Happy New Year!  May your life be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.