WAITING ROOM TALK

Friday, January 22, 2010

In the waiting room of the ear-nose-throat specialist yesterday I struck up a conversation with Ahmed, an Indian man who lives in Oman where he runs a aluminum windows factory. He usually comes to Bangkok every six months for his wife's cardiac check-ups.  This time he is here to accompany a friend and his friend's mother.  The mother is the only woman I've seen who is shrouded completely - and I mean completely - in a voluminous black burka with not even a slit for the eyes.  Her whole face is veiled in black.  Ahmed suggests I ask his friend how many sons are in his family. I dutifully ask and am floored by his answer.  His father's two wives each bore him six sets of male twins, giving the man a total of 24 sons!  Imagine the pride and prestige!  I look over at his mother, one of the vaunted twin-producing wives.  She sits slumped across the isle, a hulking black heap without a face.  She is 46.

Here is a funny thing I happen to notice.  Women in ultra conservative burkas - you know, the kind with only a slit for the eyes - those women, they all sit like men - meaning, with their legs comfortably spread out.  No primly keeping legs together for them.  No, the wider, the better.  Of course, if your legs are always hidden beneath those huge tent-like gowns there's no need to think much about where you place them when you're sitting down.  It may be the only freedom they have.

Ahmed tells me that the ultra concervatives make up only 2%  of the Arab population.  Fine, but I want to know about the multiple wife thing. How does it work, four wives living together? What if one wife is ultra conservative and the others are not?  What about divorce?  If a man has reached his limit of four wives, can he divorce one to marry a fifth wife?  Does he, Ahmed, have more than one wife?  And if not, is he planning to get more later?  Ahmed loves to talk and is eager to show me photos of his family on his cell phone and videos of Oman taken from his brother's house overlooking the sea.  He has only one wife and is not planning to marry more.  As for men with multiple wives, they have to provide each wife with her own house.  It's a happy arrangement, so he says, making divorce a rarity.  He does not mention sneaky ways to get a fifth wife.  And if a wife is ultra conservative, that's her business.  It is not forced on anyone else, not on the other wives or even the children.  He says Islam is a religion of the heart.   While we're talking he has been silently doing his "rosary."  He shows me his beads.  Three rows of 33 beads, topped by the 100th bead for the Hundred Names of God; Allah Akbar.  I like him.  First man from Oman I've had a chance to really visit with.  I hope I'll get a chance to do the same with some of those mysterious burka women.  I would love to learn their take on  life and marriage.  So far, none I've approached could speak English.

I ask Ahmed why so many people from Oman and Dubai come to Bangkok for their medical care.
"It doesn't cost us anything," he laughs, "the government pays for all the treatments and medicines.  We just pay the airfare."
What a deal!  "But why not get medical care in Oman?" I ask.
"We don't have many doctors." is his answer.

Today is the day I get to play patient too.  I've made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned.  Dr. Nisa is my dentist and it's she who cleans my teeth, not a dental assistant.  She doesn't clean teeth manually with a pick, but deep-cleans with a teeth-cleaning "drill."  Like Phil,  I'm impressed.