SHE MARRIED FOR LOVE

Dayu preparing Ikan Pepes (spiced fish steamed in banana leaves)

When we were looking for a cook, Agung (our back-up driver) referred us his niece Dayu, a cook with extensive experience working in villas. We immediately liked her goodnatured intelligence and confidence. She turned out to be a gift from the island's culinary gods. Licking my childhood-food-deprived lips, I immediately started listing all the foods I remembered growing up. Some dishes she was familiar with, others were specialties from different islands or regions that I had to look up on the internet. My mother was from northern Sulawesi, my father's family was from Java (more specifically from Jakarta), and we lived in Kalimantan Timur (Borneo), so I grew up with a variety of tastes. Dayu's cooking, however, turned out to be almost overwhelmingly Balinese. When I learned that she had had Kolak Ubi (a sweet potato dish) for breakfast that morning, I begged her to cook it for me, remembering the soupy soft dish my Auntie Nini used to make. Well, I learned that Balinese Kolak is not exactly Jakarta Kolak. Or should I say, Auntie Nini Kolak? The dish I was presented with was carmelized sweet potato. Still good, but not as good.

One day I pulled a recipe for Bubur Manado from the internet. God, I used to love that. Dayu followed it perfectly, yet it came out more like Bubur Bali than Bubur Manado. Same with Western foods. If for instance you're in the mood for a hearty vegetable soup with big chunks of carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, onions, etc., don't be surprised if you get a delicate soup with aromatic spices and vegetables cut in exquisitely tiny pieces. Thus, every meal Dayu prepares becomes an adventure in Fusion cuisine. Phil's digestive tract is still adjusting.

Dayu's other gifts came out soon after we hired her: Here's a woman who loves to organize. She gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning, wiping grooves and corners that Charlie and Peter never even knew existed, and organized the appliances, pots, pans and pantry. But the best part of all: She has gone through my box of months-old stashed receipts and categorized them so I can make sense of it all! Whoohoo! No more bookkeeping chores for me. In a brilliant move on my part I raised Dayu's position to Villa Manager.

Okay, before I tell you her love story you must know something about Bali's caste system. Unlike the caste system in India with its sad class of Untouchables, Bali's seems to be more of a tribal and linguistic way of identification. Still, it's there and the rules are to be obeyed.

Dayu 's family belongs to the Brahman or Priest caste, the highest of Bali's four castes. Ketut, her handsome lover, is of the Sudra caste, the lowest. Shades of Romeo and Juliet... A man can marry down, but not up. Ketut is not even allowed to ASK the parents for Dayu's hand. The only acceptable way is to kidnap the bride and keep her safe from being returned to her parents. Since Ketut's family lives on the island of Lombok, he called Dayu late at night, hoping to lure her out of her parents' house to the harbor where they could take a ferry to Lombok. Unfortunately, Dayu was so sound asleep that she did not hear her cell phone. It wasn't until she woke up at 4:00 AM that she noticed his frantic messages. She quickly bundled some clothes up and snuck off before anyone else woke up. Once safe in Lombok, they wrote a formal letter to Dayu's family declaring their intent to marry. There were some other complications, but eventually the wedding took place and Dayu forfeited her high caste status and name. A Sudra now, she should be called Made (Mah-deh) instead of Dayu. But since she married for love, she'll always be Dayu to us.

A month after she started working for us, Dayu learned she was pregnant. Fortunately she is not plagued by morning sickness (what a blessing), but another concern has popped up. In Bali a wedding is not just a simple one-day affair. There's lots of protocol. Since Dayu married in Lombok, another wedding must be held in her parents' house. And with a baby on the way, the wedding must be held as soon as possible. No, not for moral reasons. It's to appease the ancestors who otherwise might make trouble for the baby or the mother.

But weddings are expensive and Ketut doesn't have any money. Well, when does a Balinese EVER have ANY money? These lovely ceremonies actually eat the families alive. There are reports of young people fleeing from their culture and religion just to survive. I don't blame them. I can hardly stand one hour a week in church. Here they have ceremonies all the time, one after another. Out of 30 days of the month, Balinese spend 10 days in ceremonies, more if you're of the Priest class. I'm a wimp, I could never last. Just in the hour that I've been sitting here writing, I've watched 6 big trucks pass by, filled to the brim with men in their white temple gear, going where? ... the beach more likely for another ceremony. No wonder people like to hire Javanese workers.

Anyway, there it is, Dayu needs money for a wedding and the least we can do is loan her the money. Hopefully I'll come out with some good pictures and maybe a video to share.